


Breathe Some Life Into Me

by hidekaneheadcanons



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Getting Back Together, M/M, Oneshot!Kaneki
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-30
Updated: 2017-08-30
Packaged: 2018-12-21 15:11:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,739
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11946888
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hidekaneheadcanons/pseuds/hidekaneheadcanons
Summary: For most people, sitting next to their ex-boyfriend at a bar filled to the brim with ghouls wasn’t an ideal evening. Especially when their ex suddenly disappeared one night for no apparent reason, leaving them to wake in an empty bed and nothing more than a scribbled note on the counter reading: sorry.





	Breathe Some Life Into Me

**Author's Note:**

> For Hidekane Week - Day 7 - Anything Goes!

For most people, sitting next to their ex-boyfriend at a bar filled to the brim with ghouls wasn’t an ideal evening. Especially when their ex suddenly disappeared one night for no apparent reason, leaving them to wake in an empty bed and nothing more than a scribbled note on the counter reading: _sorry_. That ex, which was glaring at Hide with ice in his eyes as he silently finished the rest of his wine – blood wine, Hide was sure – and turned abruptly to leave.

“Wait.” Hide scrambled after him. He wanted to reach out and touch him, but fear stopped him. He wasn’t sure how Kaneki would react, if that simple action would push him away even further. Hide wasn’t sure how he, himself, would react either. “I _need_ to talk to you. At least allow me that.”

“Why are you here?” Kaneki’s voice was low, but he stepped close enough that Hide could hear him. “You shouldn’t be here.”

“I’ve been looking for you.” Hide wasn’t backing down. Not after he finally reunited with him. “I got some information that said you would be here.” Hide not so subtly glanced at the red-haired bartender and saw Kaneki pale.

“What do you think you’re doing?” Kaneki’s eyes sparked with anger, but he reined it back. He gritted his teeth and drew back, releasing Hide’s wrist. Kaneki seemed intent on leaving again. “You don’t understand what you’re getting yourself into. Drop it. Go home, Hide. Don’t come back.”

“I’m not leaving.” This time, Hide grabbed Kaneki’s wrist, his grip firm. “And I know what I’m getting myself into. But that doesn’t matter. I love you. I _still_ love you. So please.”

Kaneki’s face twisted and Hide was scared he lost him, but Kaneki took his hand, dragging Hide after him. “We can’t talk in here.” Kaneki led him out of the bar, pulling him into a dark alley. Without another word, Kaneki pressed him up against the grimy, graffiti covered wall and crashed their lips together.

Falling too easily into old habits, Hide kissed him back, trembling at Kaneki’s touch as he wrapped his arms around his shoulders. Those habits involved kissing instead of talking and touching instead of dealing with their issues. Communication was neither of their strong suits, Kaneki too used to being distant and closed off, and Hide always wanting others to come to him first.

Hide met Kaneki in his final year of high school. Kaneki was a quiet student, essentially only keeping to his books and not talking to anyone. Hide thought he must have been lonely, so he decided to start a conversation, even if Kaneki seemed a little annoyed that he was butting into his precious reading time. Hide, being the type of person he was, wouldn’t give up so easily and thus decided to annoy Kaneki every day from there on out.

Kaneki never told Hide too much about himself. He didn’t tell him about his family, his childhood, or even what he planned to do with his future. Hide didn’t press. He never did. Instead, he just talked about himself more. At some point, Kaneki put down his book and actually listened to him. That in itself was a victory, and Hide couldn’t help but notice the soft smile that would sometimes grace Kaneki’s frozen expression.

Kaneki started initiating conversations with him, even if it was just simply asking Hide how his day was going, giving him another opportunity to talk. From there, he also occasionally took Hide up on his offers to hang out together – whether it be at Big Girl or the arcade.

Hide also learned Kaneki rarely said what he was feeling. When he was angry or upset, he was usually silent. Hide would ask him what was wrong, but would never get an answer. Kaneki either asked to be alone, picked up a book, or asked Hide to tell him a story. It worried Hide that he kept all of it inside of him, instead of letting others support him.

Similarly, Kaneki expressed his love and care for others through actions instead of words. Often, if Hide had to stay late at school for something, Kaneki would stick around, holing up in the library until Hide was all finished up. Afterward, he would walk Hide home, claiming it was too dangerous to walk alone so late.

When Hide announced he was accepted into Kami University and was studying International Studies, Kaneki paused and handed him his own acceptance letter. Kaneki was accepted into Literature, but he and Hide had a few mandatory first year subjects they could take together.

Things changed a little when they went to university. Hide and Kaneki both got separate apartments close to each other in the twentieth ward. Hide wasn’t sure where Kaneki lived before that, as he never went to his house. However, Kaneki invited him over for coffee while he was still unpacking. Hide noticed he had countless boxes filled with books, but there were no pictures or photo albums. Hide wondered if he lived with anyone, any family.

Hide didn’t ask, thinking it would be a sensitive subject. Instead, he just enjoyed the delicious coffee Kaneki made for him and helped unpack all his novels. Hide hummed softly as he did the job. Kaneki had a much larger collection than Hide thought. By the time they were done, it was nighttime, and Hide had Kaneki promising he would help Hide unpack as well.

When Kaneki offered for Hide to stay the night, he was shocked. Kaneki never stayed the night at Hide’s before, even when Hide offered. Hide was ecstatic to say the least, happily setting up some of Kaneki’s spare blankets and a pillow on the couch, even when Kaneki offered him the bed.

Kaneki had his television set up, empty boxes stacked around it. He popped a disc into the dvd player, some old drama that had the worst acting. Kaneki sat on one end of the couch and Hide curled up in his blanket, stretching across the whole length of it. Kaneki huffed when Hide put his feet in his lap, but just rested his arms on top of them.

At some point Hide fell asleep, waking when the sun hit him in the face that morning. His legs were asleep, pinned down by something heavy. When he tried to move then, he heard a grunt. Kaneki was half-lying on Hide in a very uncomfortable looking position, his head resting on the bottom part of Hide’s thighs. When Hide moved, he must have kneed Kaneki in the chin. Slowly, Kaneki blinked his eyes open. He looked around, seeming confused, until his eyes locked on Hide.

He sat up stiffly and coughed. “Your legs are bony,” he muttered finally, rubbing his neck and wincing for show.

“Excuse you. I think you mean my legs are fabulous.”

They began studying together, at either of their apartments. It was at this time, when Hide was spending much more time with Kaneki, that he noticed how often he passed up on eating, and also how he seemed to dislike everything he ate or drank. Except for coffee.

That was the first time he started to suspect Kaneki was a ghoul. He stopped inviting Kaneki out to eat, started telling him that he grabbed lunch for himself before he came over, and started stocking more types of coffee in his kitchen. Maybe he should have confronted Kaneki about it then. Maybe if he did, things would have turned out differently for them. Or maybe, it would have turned out just the same.

It was around the same time, that he noticed how Kaneki would look at him sometimes. It was only when he thought Hide wasn’t watching. His expression was softer than normal, but if Hide turned to him in question, he would quickly look away, continuing with whatever he was doing before.

Kaneki also seemed to crave more physical contact, leaning against Hide when Hide would drape an arm over his shoulder, sitting close enough that their knees would touch when they watched television or studied. Hide loved the contact. He loved to be able to express his affection physically, whether it be tackling Kaneki when they met up or mussing his hair. Though Kaneki’s cheeks would turn an adorable shade of red when he did the latter.

Hide liked Kaneki. He liked his gentleness, though Kaneki obviously tried to hide it. He liked his kindness, Kaneki always carrying bandages around to patch Hide up, or taking in stray cats and giving them a home to live until he could find another one for them. He liked how supportive he was. Despite being pessimistic, Kaneki always made sure to offer Hide optimism and hope when he was having trouble with something in his life.

It was when they were sitting on Hide’s couch one night that Kaneki decided to take their relationship further. Hide was leaning against him, tired from a long day of studying and working on final assignments.

“Hide?” Kaneki’s voice was surprisingly small and quiet.

When Hide turned to face him, he could see Kaneki’s eyes were a little wider than normal and his shoulders were shaking slightly. Hide hummed softly in response. “You okay?” He reached down and took Kaneki’s hand, giving it a gentle squeeze.

Kaneki glanced at their joined hands as Hide ran his thumb over Kaneki’s knuckles. “Do you…” Kaneki swallowed thickly. “Could I…” Kaneki’s gaze drifted to Hide’s face, more specifically Hide’s lips, and Hide understood what he was trying to ask.

“Yes,” Hide said firmly. He saw Kaneki stiffen in shock, so he gave his hand another reassuring squeeze, trying to tell him that it was all right.

Hide was left reeling as a solid arm wrapped around his waist and pulled him tight against Kaneki’s chest, Kaneki lips pressing against his firmly. Kaneki seemed hungry, not being able to get close enough to Hide. He trembled as Kaneki brought him closer, and leaned down until Hide’s back was pressed against the cushions of the couch. His fingers dug into Hide’s waist as he nibbled Hide’s bottom lip. Hide kissed back, holding onto Kaneki’s shoulders, grounding himself as his head spun.

“Oh,” Hide gasped when Kaneki finally pulled back.

Kaneki looked a little surprised with himself, touching his lips with almost a wondrous expression. “Sorry. Was that a bit much?”

Hide released Kaneki’s shoulders and caressed his cheek. “It was great.” Hide gently brushed his lips against Kaneki’s, a stark contrast to the passionate and desperate kiss they just shared. Hide watched the slight blush on Kaneki’s cheeks spread and Kaneki hid his smile against Hide’s shoulder.

“As a matter of fact,” Hide continued. “I think we should do it again.”

They dated for five months before Kaneki disappeared, and although their relationship did seem to progress, Hide didn’t feel like he got any closer to Kaneki. It felt like he hit a brick wall, like Kaneki sealed up a part of himself, something he never let people see. Not even Hide. And no matter how much Hide opened up, no matter how patiently he waited for Kaneki to talk to him, it seemed like it was never going to happen.

Hide was in the midst of planning their six month anniversary when Kaneki took off. The day seemed no different than any other, save for the fact that Kaneki seemed a little upset that day. But it wasn’t uncommon for him to get upset over something and not tell Hide why. When they went to bed that night, Kaneki seemed reluctant to sleep, holding Hide tighter than usually. When Hide awoke, it was to a cold bed. After that, he found the note in the kitchen.

Hide felt like his heart was torn out of his chest. After everything they had, all Kaneki left him was a note. Hide immediately headed over to Kaneki’s apartment – not surprised to find it completely empty, not a trace of him left. At the very least, Hide just wanted to talk to Kaneki one more time – to find out why he left.

Hide knew Kaneki was a ghoul. Knowing he wouldn’t find him through human channels, Hide began searching the ghoul ones. Eventually, he met Itori, trading up some interesting information about a group of ghouls going by the name Aogiri, found when Hide planted voice recording devices on the shoes of some unsavoury fellows.

And so there Hide was, outside Helter Skelter with his back against the cold alley wall, wrapping his legs around Kaneki’s waist as he held him with a crushing grip. Hide wanted nothing more than to kiss him all night long. But…

Hide pulled back, breathing heavily as Kaneki’s lips moved to his neck, marking his skin. Hide clutched onto him, all while trying to will himself to speak. Finally, he managed to get a few words out.

“Kaneki. Hang on a moment here…” Kaneki’s lips trailed down to his collarbone. “ _Ken._ ”

Kaneki jolted and glanced up at Hide, his eyes wide and glazed. “Sorry. What were you saying?” Kaneki’s chest heaved against Hide’s as he spoke.

Hide couldn’t help but kiss him again, tangling his fingers in Kaneki’s hair and making him shudder. Hide knew enough was enough and they _needed_ to talk, but he seemed to be trying to do his best to drown out any rational thought with the taste of Kaneki’s lips. However, the voice in Hide’s head demanding answers eventually got louder.

“Okay, okay,” Hide mumbled against Kaneki’s lips. “We can’t talk if I keep kissing you.”

Kaneki sighed and put Hide down. Hide still held onto him, his legs feeling shaky. “Let’s talk then.”

Hide swallowed thickly, the words sticking in his throat though he practiced saying them so many times. “I _know_. You know I know, right?”

Kaneki nodded slowly. “I think I’ve… known for a while now.”

“Then why did you leave me?”

Kaneki flinched like the words slapped him. “Because being with me is dangerous. I couldn’t risk you getting hurt.”

“It hurts me to be away from you,” Hide whispered. “It hurt me when you left. More than anything before.”

Kaneki’s expression became pained. “I know. I’m sorry. But there are things about this world you haven’t seen. The types of things some ghouls _do_. I don’t want you to be a victim of that. I don’t want you to be a part of this world.”

“I am though. I decided to be when I decided to be with you. And despite everything I’ve seen while searching for you, I still want to be with you. And trust me, I’ve seen a lot. I’ve seen what groups like Aogiri have done. What they will do.”

Kaneki’s eyes widened and Hide gave his shoulders a reassuring squeeze.

“So, I really need to ask you: did you leave because you no longer wanted to be with me, or did you leave because you were worried for me?” Hide needed to hear confirmation. What he did would rely on Kaneki’s answer. If Kaneki truly didn’t want to be with him, Hide would leave him alone, no matter how much it would hurt him.

“Of course I want to be with you.” Kaneki’s trembling words fell from his mouth and Hide saw something he never saw Kaneki do before.

Cry.

It was like the wall Kaneki put up crumbled before Hide’s eyes. He immediately pulled Kaneki close and let him cry on his shoulder, his words just barely audible. “I _love_ you. But I’m _scared_. I’m really scared. I don’t want to lose you. I’m so scared of losing you.” Kaneki clutched onto Hide like it would kill him if he let go.

“I’m not going anywhere.” Hide ran his fingers through Kaneki’s hair. “So why don’t you come back home? And no disappearing this time, okay?” Hide kissed his cheek. “’Cuz I’m just gonna end up having to find you again.”

Kaneki sniffled. “Do you promise you’ll be safe?”

“I promise.” Hide cupped Kaneki’s cheek, guided his face up and looked him in the eyes. “I’ll stay safe.” Hide wiped the tears from Kaneki’s cheeks.

When they left the back alley together, Hide also made a promise to himself. A promise to repair their relationship, to communicate, and most importantly, to make sure neither of them would feel so lonely ever again.   

**Author's Note:**

> I like writing oneshot!Kaneki. I prefer to think he has essentially the same personality as all the 'other' Kaneki's, but is generally more rough around the edges and that it's really hard to get to know who he actually is. And since Hide first meets him before we would have in the oneshot and Kaneki's character develops from there, I decided to take a little liberty with the characterization ;). Hope yall liked it!


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